A Letter To My Freshman Daughter

Written by Eric Goodale to his beloved daughter Elizabeth.

Elizabeth,
You are my oldest daughter, the apple of my eye, and the little baby girl that changed my life. I write this to you as you prepare to enter your freshman year of high school. I have 10 important things to remember as you embark on this new adventure. Take them to heart, as my heart is where they come from. Let these carry you into the future and may they help you become the young woman that God created you to be.

1) Its not as important as you think it is.
I know it feels like it. I know that right now, in this moment, whatever it might be is super important. I know it perhaps even feels life altering. Truth is that it isn’t. I think of the things that were important to me as a teenager and those moments are memories that are buried under decades of new memories, likely never to see the light of day again.  Please trust your old dad…things are not as important as you think they are, just as they weren’t when the teenage version of your dad roamed high school hallways.

2) Don’t let your emotions rule you.
Your emotions are raw and you feel them from one extreme to the other, sometimes in a moment. Whatever it is it will be ok, really it will.   In a blink nobody will remember it or care, including you. I wasted so much time at your age on how I felt. I don’t want you to dismiss feelings—they are good. I just want you to take them for what they are and not let them be what makes your choices, controls your tongue, or sets your path. Having a crush on a boy doesn’t mean they should rule your heart. Have self-control, a fruit of the spirit that is there for a reason. Feelings are fleeting and change like the shifting breeze. You are so much more than how you feel.

3) Boys are dumb.
I am a boy so I have some first hand expertise on this one. Their hormones are flaring up, just like yours, but different. They are ruled by hormones that make you a target of their urges.  Sometimes this will make you happy and at others they will devastate you.  They will say hurtful things when all you want them to do is smile at you. They will be too scared to ask you out on a date because they are afraid to be made fun of, or even worse that you might say “yes.”  Your crush will ignore you and date your friend. You will hang out in the friend zone. Boys are going to hurt. You already know this.  Remember that God has someone special in your future, very likely not in high school, and you will find him eventually.  He will be a man, not a boy.

4) Take a few chances.
Many would caution me in telling a teenager to take chances. I admit there is a part of me that cringes just saying these words, so let me clarify a bit. Take chances in trying new activities. Take chances in making new friends. Take chances in telling people about Jesus. Take chances with trying new foods. As long as you are taking safe chances you will be fine. If you need clarification on what is “safe,” then this list might be too little too late. I have moved past regrets and don’t live in the past. But, there are some chances (safe, healthy chances) I would take if I had to do it all over again.

5) Kids are still mean.
They were mean when you were in elementary school. They were mean when you were in junior high. They are still mean. How do you meet this? How do you survive in a world where there are still bullies? You love. Just love people. Remember they are God’s special creation, just like you. They are children of the creator of the universe and deserve to be treated as such….yes, even if they treat you like garbage. Go back to numbers one and two on this one and you should be in ok shape.

6) Friends grow apart.
This is one of the hardest truths to realize. Friendships change as we change. You are becoming a different person and so are they. Just be open to that change and know it is a normal progression of relationships. It is ok for people to come and go in your life sometimes. I look at those I was closest to in high school and I really never talk to any of them anymore. They are still my friends, but we have grown apart as each of our lives have taken different turns. The same can be said about my college friends, old work friends at past jobs, and many others. Each brought something special to my life, and still do as they have shaped my life in their own unique ways. Each are still very important to me. Most of them I still call a friend, even if we have grown apart.

7) Be a good friend.
Some seemingly obvious stuff here, but things that the pressures of being a teenager sometimes make you forget or bypass. Don’t talk about a friend behind their back (or anyone for that matter). Let kindness rule your tongue. Make sacrifices for a friend. Listen, care, and be sincere, even when it is hard. Don’t be reactive when a friend hurts you or says something you don’t like. Remember they are a person just like you, with their own bad days, good days, feelings, and life to live. Be empathetic and compassionate with them, just as you want them to be with you.

8) I am not your friend.
Yet. Someday I will be. Someday I will fill that duel role of parent and friend, and even more. Right now I am your parent. My job is to keep you out of jail. My job is to keep you from suffering in this world. My job is to keep you alive. At times this will mean I am going to say “no” to the most fun things ever. At times I will teach hard lessons. At times we will butt heads and I will say “because I said so.” Know that I still love you. Know that I still want you to have fun and be your own person. Know that I just have to take the role of only a parent…for now.

9) Me and your mom know stuff.
I know to you we seem old. I have grey hair. I am out of shape, creak when I get up off the couch, and have to wear reading glasses. But, to me and your mom, we were just in high school. I remember my stupid mistakes. I remember the girls I didn’t ask out because I knew they would say no, or laugh at me, or make fun of me. I remember the fun things I didn’t do because I didn’t think I was liked enough or cool enough or athletic enough. I remember my first car. I remember my first job. I remember balancing homework, practice for the school musical, and baseball practice all in the same day…every day. We have been there, done that. We can answer any question. We have lived every piece of drama you have and ever will. We want to help you. There is nothing we can’t answer and can’t guide you on through this adventure. Trust us. Rely on us. We really do know stuff.

10) Take God with you wherever you go.
I really blew this one when I was your age. In my defense, I never had a relationship or really knew God growing up beyond Sunday School. He was always there, no doubt, but I didn’t know him. I went to youth group to meet other kids. I made fun of kids for going to church or listening to church music at times. Thankfully God kept pushing and because of that you do know him. Be bold in your faith. Let the love of God be the center of whatever you do. Let Jesus be the model and his love be at the root of how you interact with teachers, friends, and those that don’t like you. Let the Holy Spirit lead your choices. Do this and you won’t go wrong, no matter what else happens.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9

Eric Goodale serves as a PvilleYI Board member. He is currently a Care Coordinator at The Well Resource Center in Knoxville, Iowa. He and his wife Brenda volunteer and help lead PvilleYI with great joy!

See more from Eric on his personal blog here.